Security
by Lydian Stone
Summary: Alternate explanation for Alexis' situation in The Fast and the Furriest. "What kind of father doesn't realize that his daughter is sneaking home to sleep in her own bed? That his daughter is terrified to be alone and is too ashamed to talk about it?"
1. Chapter 1

Spoilers for The Fast and the Furriest

A/N: I wrote this to remedy the plot line with Alexis. She definitely would have common sense enough not to give ALL her money away, even if it was for a good cause, and she could have easily used a credit card to buy food even if her cash was gone. This is what I thought was more plausible.

**SECURITY**

She stood outside the loft for several minutes, running her fingers through her hair and trying to think of what to say. She trusted her dad, and she knew he'd understand, but that wasn't the issue. The issue was that she was an adult and she wanted to reclaim her independence after the kidnapping, not just in her own eyes, but also in his. He could be overprotective and while she appreciated that it was out of love, she wasn't sure she could move forward while being coddled.

It had been stupid to take the food. He wouldn't have noticed a few twenties missing, but his leftovers? She berated herself for even risking that he'd buy the lie when so few people had access to the loft. When she had tripped the ink pack she felt she deserved the punishment if only for underestimating the lengths her father would go to solve a mystery.

She breathed deeply, turned the key, and opened the door, half wanting to get it over with and half hoping she could escape the confrontation for a few more days.

Rick Castle started walking towards her and balked; his blue eyes brimming with concern and hurt. He seemed unsure what to say. His daughter was stealing food from his fridge, which he would have given her willingly. She had a generous allowance and his credit card at her disposal. His overactive imagination ran through all the possibilities that could make a rich college student stoop to such means. Drugs? Gambling? Alexis never showed traits of being gripped by a vice, but he'd seen countless parents with no idea that their sweet child was wrapped up in something untoward. But Alexis? He couldn't see it. Blackmail? Maybe, but under what circumstances?

They stood frozen, staring at each other before Alexis fisted her shaky hands and folded her arms. "I'm sorry, Dad."

He took a few steps towards her. "Why? You know what I have is yours so just tell me why?"

"I wasn't sneaking in to steal food."

"It looked that way."

"I didn't think of it as sneaking food, I just was staying here some nights and would eat before I left for the day, sometimes I'd pack a lunch if I had classes all day."

"You haven't stayed overnight here in a month, you've just stopped over for laundry and a few meals."

Alexis sighed, and started pacing. "Obviously I have since I've been _stealing food."_ the accusation seemed so petty to both their ears. "I just would come home some nights, stay in my room then head back to my dorm in the morning before you got up or after you left for the precinct. It's no big deal."

"Honey, anytime you lie to me it's a big deal. Why didn't you want me to know you were here?"

"I just . . ."

Rick took another step and put a hand on her shoulder. The touch seemed to break her and she closed her eyes tightly and started shaking. He pulled her into his chest and she hid herself in his arms. She hadn't wanted to need affection from him to get through this. She should have been able to just tell him without dissolving into some little girl in her father's arms.

They just felt so secure.

Castle led her to the couch and they sat down. He reached behind him then offered her some tissues. His mind was running through worse scenarios, and he was now wishing it had been a gambling debt that he could pay off to free her. This clearly was not a financial issue but an emotional one.

"You can tell me anything, Pumpkin." He rubbed his thumb on her shoulder as she settled.

"I know, Dad, I just feel like I should be able to handle things on my own. I don't want to run to you every time I feel scared."

Scared. Oh. It suddenly seemed obvious.

"Honey, you were abducted, held hostage by seriously scary people. That's not something you get over in a few weeks, or a few months."

"I know that, Dad, I do, but I can't just keep running home to sleep in my own bed, knowing you're downstairs to protect me."

Part of him melted with the thought that his daughter still saw him as her ultimate protector, but he knew that wasn't the issue so he offered, "You didn't have to move back to campus if you weren't ready. in fact if you want to move back home for a while, just until you get your bearings, no one will think any less of you. You know this will always be your home."

"Dad, that would be a step backwards. I need to push myself. I'm not here every night, just a lot in the past week because my roommate's grandmother died and she had to go home for a while. Being alone is . . . it makes it harder to forget."

Castle had to work against his inclination to talk her into coming home where he could look after her. She had been embarrassed that she needed his security, so he needed to tread lightly.

"Have you talked to anyone?"

"My roommate knows what happened, Max too. My professors all look at me with pity which makes it worse. Sarah and I meet for lunch sometimes. She just seems to be handling it really well so I can't tell her that I'm an emotional basket case, and no one else really understands."

It pained Castle to ask, "And Max? Have you been able to talk to him?"

"Some, I just don't want him to think I'm damaged. He'll listen if I bring it up but he doesn't know what to say. I think it makes him uncomfortable."

"Have you felt – I mean, I wasn't captured with you exactly, but we went through some of it together. Have I been – I mean, you know you can always talk to me, if you want to, right?"

Alexis offered him a soft smile at his stammered offer to listen. She kissed his cheek, "I know, Dad, but you were traumatized as much as I was and I know that talking to you might make me feel better, but you worry about me so much as it is, I just can't put everything on you. I'm not a little girl anymore, and I feel like I need to start working things out on my own, as an adult."

"Sweetheart, you are extremely mature, but you are not an adult yet. You're caught in this wonderful in-between place where you can choose to stand on your own two feet, but you can also choose to come home and take a break when life gets overwhelming." He took her hand and kissed it, "There is no shame in that, Alexis."

Instead of responding she asked, "Are you okay, Dad? I mean you went through a lot too."

He smiled at her concern, "Yeah, I had nightmares at first, but not as much now. When I get nervous about you being on your own Kate talks me down then reminds me that stalking you 24/7 would be a crime. She's arrested me for less, you know."

"I remember." That pulled a smile from his daughter at least. "I'm glad you have her, Dad."

"Me too, Pumpkin. Me too." He put his arm around her and nudged her into his side. "So, where does that leave us?"

"Well, I promise not to lie about staying here if you promise not to make a big deal about it."

"Of course, just no sneaking. Let us know when you're here because Kate has a gun. I'd hate for there to be a misunderstanding if you were having a midnight snack."

"Yeah, I guess I hadn't thought about that."

"And, I think it's important that you talk with someone, not just Max or Sarah, but someone who can help you navigate through this. What you went through is not a normal thing. Your friends, even if they want to help, they won't be able to relate."

"I really don't want to see a shrink."

"Kate sees one."

Alexis' jaw slackened. "Really?"

"Does that make you think less of her?"

"No, I just didn't –"

"You didn't think that strong, independent women ever sought help after terrible things happen to them?"

"I guess I didn't, but somehow knowing that makes me respect Kate more."

"Do I have your permission to tell her about what we talked about? She was pretty worried about you when you ran off, and had some words with me about the stupidity of setting traps where my daughter and mother could accidentally trip them."

"I don't mind. Do you think I could ask her about counseling?" She hesitated, then added, "If she wouldn't want me to know she goes, I won't mention it."

"I know she would be happy to talk to you about anything."

Alexis snaked her arms around her dad's neck and kissed his cheek, "I love you, Dad."

"Love you, too, Alexis. I know you're not a child anymore, but you'll always be my daughter. That comes with more privileges than awesome toys and designer clothes, you know. Next time come to me first. You know how my imagination works."

"How long did it take you to arrive at 'possessed by aliens' as a viable option for why I was taking food?"

"Third on the list. Admit it, you've missed living with me."

The eye roll that followed anchored them back to a sense of normalcy and gave Castle hope his little girl would be okay.

* * *

There you go. Was that better? I kept expecting this to be the reason during the episode then was sorely disappointed when it wasn't. Now I can pretend it was. Isn't Fanfiction shiny!

Happy April 16th to you Americans. I celebrated by writing a fic and not doing anything productive.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay, so it's now a two-shot.**

**Security 2**

When Kate arrived at the precinct Castle was already in his chair, slumping against her desk bouncing a rubber band ball, staring out the far window.

"Castle?"

He straightened, "Hey, Beckett." He absently motioned towards a coffee cup and a bagel he'd brought for her.

"Thanks." She sat then narrowed her eyes at him, trying to read his mood. "How'd it go with Alexis? No permanent staining I hope?"

"Thankfully no. It only took a few hours of scrubbing but her skin recovered a lot sooner than her pride."

"Nothing years of therapy won't fix, right?" Kate had said it as a lighthearted joke, but Castle only grimaced.

Kate sobered and asked, "That bad, huh?"

Castle shrugged.

Kate grabbed her coffee cup and Castle's and nodded towards the break room. "Come on."

They walked in then he leaned against the counter and folded his arms. Kate closed the door and asked, "What happened? Is she in trouble?" Her brow furrowed.

"She's not in danger and hasn't done anything wrong."

"That's good, so why the secrecy?"

He rubbed a hand through his hair and rested it on the back of his neck. "What kind of father doesn't realize that his daughter is sneaking home to sleep in her own bed? That his daughter is terrified to be alone and is too ashamed to talk about it? I used to be so good at this, Kate, or I thought I was. Now I feel like she could have a whole double life and I wouldn't know."

She leaned against the counter next to him, nudging his shoulder with her own.

"She's not leading a double life, Castle. She's coming home to be near you."

"It's like she needs me and is rejecting me all at once. I don't know where I fit anymore."

"Just be available but try not to hover."

"Hey, I don't hover." Kate folded her arms and quirked an eyebrow at him. "Okay, maybe I hover, but it's only because I care."

Kate dropped an arm and caught his fingers with her own under the public line of sight. "I know that and Alexis knows that. You just need to learn to hover from a distance." She rubbed her thumb along the back of his hand. "Let's leave your insecurities for a moment. So, Alexis has been sleeping at the loft instead of her dorm room? How long has that been going on?"

"Off and on since she moved back on campus; more lately because her roommate has been gone. If she hadn't been eating leftovers I wouldn't have known."

Kate rubbed her lips together then asked, "Has she been showing any other signs – has she seemed alright aside from that?" She still had trouble with saying the term PTSD.

"I didn't think so, but what if she's hiding more than this? What if more happened that she hasn't told me? It's not so much her fear that has me worried, but the fact she was hiding it. I know she's not going to tell me everything but we both know the toll secrets take and if there's more . . . well . . ."

Kate wished they weren't in the precinct, Castle looked pained and she wanted nothing more than to hold him through the conversation.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Yeah, actually. I hope you don't mind, but I told her that you were in therapy."

"Good."

"Really?"

"Castle, I don't advertise it, but I'm not ashamed of it, not anymore."

He squeezed her hand. "You shouldn't be. I've seen you do some daring and remarkable things, but out of all of it, that took the most courage. I don't know if I've ever told you that outright. If not I should have long before now."

"I still remember your expression when I told you I'd been going. Even through the zombie make up I could see what it meant to you."

"I did make an awesome zombie."

"Yeah, you did." She squeezed his hand bringing him back on topic. "Do you think it would help if I –"

"Yes." He cut her off, clearly anticipating her question.

"Alright, I'll give her a call and see if she's open to talking. And as for you, Castle, are you hiding any deep-seeded anxiety about what happened?"

"No, I'm afraid my anxiety is very shallow and available for all to see. I'm just worried about my little girl."

"Are you going to be okay working today, or would you rather stalk your daughter?"

He brightened, "You'd let me?"

"Extenuating circumstances."

He seemed conflicted then said, "No. I promised her I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. If I show up incognito to all her classes she'd make me in a heartbeat."

"Not many zombies, dead poets, space cowboys or mad scientists at Columbia, huh?"

"Nope. And she's seen me in my onion goggles too often to pull a Clark Kent."

Kate's phone chirped. She looked at it then said, "Maybe a murder will take your mind off of things. Let's go."

* * *

While they were waiting for the autopsy results Kate made the call.

"Alexis? Hi, it's Kate."

There was a moment of silence then, "Hi. I guess my dad asked you to call?"

"He did. Is that alright?"

"Yeah." The answer wasn't convincing. Kate remembered how uncomfortable she had been when she had reached out for help and wanted to get Alexis through the first awkward conversation.

"I never much cared for talking over the phone, would you like to meet somewhere tonight?"

Just then Castle came up and raised his eyebrows and mouthed, "Alexis?" Kate held up a finger and nodded.

"Uh, would it be okay if we talked at your apartment. I mean, if you're not planning on being at the loft tonight."

"No, my evening's free, I'd love for you to come by. I'll have a pizza." Castle was nodding enthusiastically.

"Thanks. I don't really want to talk in public and Dad means well but I'm not sure he'd respect our privacy at the loft." Kate was smirking at her partner

"I think he'd _want _to leave us alone but you know how much he doesn't like to be left out. My place is definitely the better option. See you at 6:30?"

"Okay, and thanks, Kate."

"Alexis, my door's always open."

* * *

At 6:30 Alexis arrived outside the apartment, at 6:38 she had gotten up the nerve to knock. During the eight minute interval Kate had watched through the peephole as her guest pace back and forth; a manifestation of her internal struggle. Kate had to smile because she knew it was just a matter of time. It was not in Alexis Castle's nature to disappoint others.

After the knock Kate greeted Alexis warmly and motioned her in. She took her jacket and offered her a soda. Within a few minutes the pizza arrived with Alexis' preferred comfort toppings. Beckett had texted Castle and he had let her know that thin crust pepperoni and sausage was her usual pizza for depressing occasions like the rare B on a test, but cases such as breakups called for added bacon bits. Kate figured the night certainly called for triple meat - and a side of garlic bread.

Kate put the pizza on the coffee table and sat on the floor between it and the couch. It was where she and Lanie always ended up when they'd talk so Kate thought being informal might put Alexis at ease as well.

"Thanks, Kate, you didn't have to do this."

"Alexis, we're having a much needed girls' night, we should have done this a long time ago." Kate hoped that it had sounded comforting rather than forced.

"I would have liked that, I do like it, I mean."

"You know, you were only fifteen when I met you. It has taken me a while to adjust to you being an adult, probably because Castle still wants to believe you'll never really grow up." Alexis grinned at her dad's wishful thinking.

"It did take me months to be able to call you 'Kate' instead of 'Detective Beckett' so I guess it's been an adjustment for me, too."

They ate a few bites in silence while they each formulated how to proceed. Kate mused that both she and Alexis tended to be very deliberate with their words when uncomfortable, so keeping the conversation going would be a challenge. She decided just to cut to the chase.

"Alexis, your dad told me a little of what is going on, but I'd like to hear your version, if that's okay."

"It's really not that big of a deal, I think he's making it out to be more than it is."

"He might be, but sometimes he can be pretty insightful. Anyway, I'm not interested in his opinion right now, just yours."

She shrugged, "You know what happened and you were there when I was questioned."

"I know the facts, but what I don't know is how you feel about them. You don't need to talk about it with me, I just want you to know that you can . . . if you want."

Alexis took a large bite to buy herself time to formulate an answer.

"I never was afraid of the dark. Dad would check under my bed for monsters and that was always enough for me."

Kate offered, "I was afraid of the dark, but I wouldn't admit it to my parents. I could have had a nightlight but I felt like I had to prove something even when I was four."

Alexis could easily imagine a stubborn little Kate Beckett and found she could identify. "That's kind of how I've been feeling, but instead of making myself face the darkness I have been coming home."

"There's nothing wrong with that."

"That's what Dad said, too."

"You don't believe him?"

"It's the principle of the thing. Did you ever give in and take the nightlight?"

"No, but everyone's lives would have been easier if I had. I got over the fear but it took the better part of six months and I was a very tired, crabby girl until then. If I'd have just taken the light I would have still gotten over the fear of the dark eventually, just without causing myself so much stress in the process."

"I appreciate the analogy, but you were four and I'm nineteen. I should be more able to cope. Sarah hasn't been home since it happened, and doesn't plan to go until the end of the semester. I just feel like something's wrong with me."

"Just because Sarah doesn't tell you how she's affected doesn't mean that she's fine. Have you been completely honest with her?"

She furrowed her brow and seemed to be forming a longer response, but in the end she just shook her head.

"Alexis, she might_ look_ put together, but I'm guessing she thinks the same about you. You're both trying to appear unaffected when it might be better for you both to be honest."

"Even if you're right, she might not be ready to talk about it. What if I bring it up and she starts avoiding me? I'm not sure I could take that."

Kate decided to leave that issue to a professional. She bumped Alexis' foot with her own and asked, "Have you talked to anyone on campus? Any counselors or friends?"

"No one knows I've been sleeping at home. My roommate has been there a few times when I've left for overnight but I think she assumes I'm staying with Max." Alexis' eyes widened. "I'm NOT staying with Max, though. Please don't tell my dad my roommate even hinted at that."

Kate laughed, "Alexis, your secrets are safe with me. If you ever do want to talk about Max, I promise to listen and not tell your dad anything."

"Thanks, Kate, but right now there's nothing to tell. I know most relationships in college seem to go at a faster, but I'm just not ready. I feel like since I wouldn't be able to deal with any consequences I should wait. I wasn't planned, and even with- well, I just wouldn't risk it." Alexis was blushing, suddenly seeming to realize what talk they were having.

Internally Kate felt honored that Alexis even brought it up to her. She carefully replied, "That is a very mature observation. I think you're going through enough right now without complicating your relationship with Max. He's not pressuring you or anything, is he?"

"No, no need to issue a restraining order."

"That's good, but if you ever need one you know who to call. You have Ryan and Esposito's numbers too, right?"

"If I ever need a restraining order, I'd definitely have Detective Esposito do it. I bet he could be scary if he wanted to be."

"Yeah, and Castle's not the only one who still thinks your fifteen, so I'd hate to be any guy who messes with you. They'll have three overprotective men to contend with."

Alexis tore a piece of the garlic bread and chewed slowly, giving herself a chance to think. She was feeling more secure so she decided to tackle the main issue.

"How long until things get better?"

"That depends. Some things will always be different, and you can't change what happened, but the fear and the nightmares; those can fade over time."

She studied the older woman. "Did you have nightmares?"

"Yes. I also had flashbacks and panic attacks."

Alexis stared at her wondering if she heard correctly. Kate never seemed like one to parade a weakness, but here she was openly reciting several. "How did you get over everything?"

"I wouldn't say I'm completely over it. I still have nightmares. Not as often now, especially if I'm with your dad. I'm not sure I'm the best model for how to overcome a crisis. But I can tell you how not to respond." She took a deep slow breath then continued. "I spent a lot of time at first pushing nearly everyone away and feeling sorry for myself as my body healed. I stayed with my dad only because I needed to and, well, you know how dads can be."

"Yeah, believe me, I do."

"I think in my case my dad felt that it was an opportunity to take care of me since I spent a lot of time taking care of him after my mom died." She saw Alexis' brow furl but she didn't want to get off topic so she added, "but that's a talk for another day. Anyway, I didn't really have a choice, I had to let him help me. What I didn't see at the time was that it was actually a good thing to need someone. He never pressured me to talk, but he tried to get me to call your dad, and looking back I wish I had."

"Why didn't you?"

There was more curiosity than accusation in her tone. Kate hadn't intended to delve into this line of regrets, but she decided to be as transparent as she could.

"That's a very loaded question, and I don't have a good enough answer. It mostly came down to fear. I was scared. I . . . well, I knew how he felt about me but he had those feeling for the person I _was _and that person was gone. My moods, my reactions everything seemed out of control. I couldn't expect your dad's feelings not to change when I was so different. You know that your dad would have been too kind to reject someone who just had taken a bullet, but I worried that he'd end up staying with me out of obligation."

Alexis tensed her brow but didn't interrupt so Kate continued.

"After your mom and Gina I didn't want to feel responsible for him being stuck in another compromised relationship, so I gave him space to move on. I wouldn't have been able to handle any pity. I was too fragile, and I knew myself well enough to know that I would have just pushed him away and done more damage if he were with me in person. What I did might have seemed heartless, and in hindsight it wasn't the right decision, but it was the most compassionate thing I could think to do for him at the time. When I started feeling stronger, I stayed away because I was afraid he'd be angry or indifferent even though I deserved it, asked for it even. That would've hurt more than the bullet."

She had talked through it so many times with Dr. Burke and Castle, but it had been a while since she talked to someone about it for the first time. Old insecurities and self-reproach still reared their heads. She realized her hand was slightly shaking so she pressed it against her leg. "I might look put together now, " She looked down at her hand then thought better of trying to cover the tremor. She lifted it deliberately and ran it through her hair so Alexis could see the sign of stress as she continued, "but I am not the person I was before, and neither is your dad after what I put him through. We had to get used to each other again and figure out where we fit. During that time, I went to counseling, sometimes several times a week because I never wanted to hurt him like that again."

Alexis wasn't sure if she swallowed, breathed or even blinked during Kate's confession. She had always assumed that Kate tossed her father aside carelessly that summer. Her actions might have been wrong, but in a way she had been trying to protect him from herself.

Alexis finally spoke, with much less reproach than Kate had expected. "He was a mess, everything was chaotic that summer. I couldn't do anything to make things better."

Kate replied, "Alexis, I've apologized to your dad and he's forgiven me – for so much, but I know what it was like when my father obsessed over a loss, and by ignoring your dad, I put you through the same thing. I don't want you to say anything right now because I didn't deserve your father's forgiveness and I certainly don't deserve yours, but I want you to know that I'm sorry, not just for hurting your dad, but for hurting you, too."

Alexis was taken aback. The apology was not anything she had expected. She always assumed an "I'm sorry" had been implied with every kind thing Kate had done since she eased herself back into their lives, and Alexis had infused forgiveness in graciously accepting Kate's place in her father's life once they were together. She had not anticipated the power of hearing those words, those vulnerable words, directly from Kate and she was moved. She didn't want her spoken forgiveness to be brushed off as a polite reply so she saved her response for a time when Kate would be in no doubt of its sincerity.

"Kate . . . I was mad when you came back, at first."

"You had every right to be."

"Since then I've just sort of watched you and my dad. You have changed, but I feel like you're more committed to him than you would have been if it hadn't happened. Not that I'm happy that it did, or anything."

Kate finally met her eyes. "I know. Tragic events will change you, Alexis, but it's up to you what changes stick."

"But it's not like I can pick how I feel."

"No. You can pick what you choose to think about, but the emotions won't always line up. Being hurt, being terrified and lonely – all those feelings were overwhelming for me too at first and I tried my hardest to fight my battles alone, especially ones that no one else saw."

"I just don't feel like_ I _should be this upset. I mean, you were shot and the sniper was still on the loose so the fear was justified. I wasn't hurt at all, just detained."

"No, Alexis, being detained is having to wait in an airport overnight for bad weather to clear. What you went through was torture." The younger woman didn't want to argue but Kate knew she didn't believe her. "Sometimes what someone _could_ do is nearly as damaging as when there is physical pain inflicted. Did they tell you they weren't going to hurt you?"

"No, they mostly left me alone."

"You had a lot of time to think and I know you inherited some of your father's imagination so the possible outcomes were constantly running through your mind. You didn't have any assurances that you would ever go home. Did you worry they would hurt you?"

"Yes."

"Kill you?" She nodded.

"Sexually assault you?"

"I think I worried about that more than anything."

"For days you lived on a high amount of adrenaline while you tried to plan an escape, tried to figure out how you could defend yourself, and most of all tried to keep the terror from eating you from the inside out, especially when you found out you weren't even in the right country. Alexis, you've survived intense psychological abuse."

Alexis lowered her head and squeezed her eyes shut. Hearing someone validate what she felt was liberating and too much all at once. Kate slid so she was sitting right next to Alexis and put an arm around her. The younger girl turned into the older one's shoulder and Kate hugged her close. No one should have to live through what each of them had, but if Kate could help Alexis, then she was thankful that she had gone down that path ahead of her.

After some time to sob and grieve her former carefree life, Alexis settled and pulled away. Her eyes were puffy to the point of being half closed. Kate offered her tissues and waited.

"Okay, what do I do? How do I get better?"

Kate admired Alexis' ability to tackle a problem head on but she knew for this there would be no easy answers.

"I am always available to talk or just listen." Kate held Alexis' gaze than elaborated, "That means if you wake from a nightmare, you can call me. If I'm at a crime scene, even if I'm interrogating a witness, if you need me I'll take a break and we'll talk. But, as much as I want to listen, I am not a professional and you will need both personal support and someone to guide you through this. I can give you the name of the psychologist that I saw if you'd like. I think you'll like him, and since he's successfully helped someone who is much more stubborn and had many more years of baggage to sift through, he's definitely qualified."

"I'm not sure about talking to a stranger."

"I was hesitant, but once you start, you'll be thankful that you can talk to someone who's not involved. You can tell him anything without worrying about him judging you, or coddling you and you can tell him things that you wouldn't be okay telling anyone else. For instance, if you had been more than psychological abused-"

"I wasn't."

"I know, but just as an example, if you had it would've been hard to tell your dad because of how protective he is of you, but you could walk through it with a psychologist and everything would stay in that room except what you want to take with you. And even though they didn't touch you, they still must have done things that unsettled you. Your dad might not be able to listen to you talk about someone leering at you without breaking, so you need to talk to someone who will listen to those details, help you work through them and then help you decide what you need to share with your dad."

"So there's no way to just magically get past this?"

"Sorry, just a lot of hard work. What got me through was thinking what life would be like a year in the future. What I realized was that the more open I could be with people I knew were safe, the better I felt. It's not about proving bravado, but focusing on the big picture. What you're going through is exhausting. If you need to stay at home some nights to rest, or regroup, that's what you should do without apology. If you need to cry on someone's shoulder, go for it. If you need space, say the word and I'll distract your dad for a while."

The tension seemed to drain from the younger woman as she listened to Kate give her permission to react as she felt rather than as she thought she should. She tilted her head back so it was resting on the cushion and closed her eyes. Her breathing was calm but there were tears streaming down the side of her face. Kate wondered if she had fallen asleep but after several minutes lapsed Alexis, with her eyes still closed, broke the silence, "So does that mean it would be okay if I slept on your couch tonight?"

"Absolutely. I'll even call your dad and run interference."

That caused Alexis to smile. "Thanks, I'll talk to him tomorrow, but right now I'm too tired. I've been very tired for a long time now."

"I know, Sweetie. I know."

* * *

By eight o'clock Alexis was sleeping soundly on the couch in one of her dad's t-shirts which Kate knew from personal experience would have a calming affect. She then retreated to her room and quietly closed the door before making the call.

"Kate? is everything okay? How's Alexis? Do you want me to come over?" She could tell he was pacing.

"Uh, Yes, she's okay. Exhausted. No you can't come." She heard a disappointed sigh. "I just passed a very intense and meaningful evening with your daughter and she is now asleep on my couch and won't be coming home tonight."

"She's staying over?"

"Yeah, she even asked me before I had a chance to offer. It's been a while since I've had a slumber party with anyone but you. It's nice."

"Is she . . ." he cleared his throat, "Did she talk to you? About everything?"

Kate gave a gentle laugh, "I think we did touch on just about _everything_, but I can't give you details. All I can tell you is that I did a lot more confessing than she did."

"Oh?"

"Actually, I was brutally honest with her about what I went through and how I handled it. If she talks to you about it, I want you to know you have my permission to tell her anything you think is helpful. She's agreed to see Dr. Burke and I asked her to be honest with us about whatever she needed."

"Of course."

"Castle, that means space if she asks for it."

"I know."

"And if she's upset, you have to let her feel it, don't try to lighten the mood until she's worked through it."

There was a brief silence then he responded, "I hate that she has to go through this."

"Me too. You're a fantastic father and it's no accident that you've raised a wonderful daughter. Just be prepared because she's going to feel depressed, irritable, paranoid at times and even guilty for making you worry about her."

"Did she say that?"

"Castle . . . I lived it."

Kate swallowed thickly, reflecting again on all she had gone through, all she had put everyone else through in the process.

"Are you sure I can't come over?"

"I love you, Castle, so much, and I know how badly you need to hug both of us, but unless Alexis wakes in the middle of the night asking for you, the answer is no."

Kate braced herself for his rebuttal, but after a few seconds he asked, "Should I be happy that you're supporting my daughter or upset you seem to have trumped my parenting abilities? I feel so conflicted."

She smiled into the phone. "Well, if it becomes a problem I know a guy."

* * *

**A/N: For those who wanted the Alexis/Kate conversation, I hope this sufficed. I hope you'll review. I hope tonight's episode that starts in 13 minutes won't be as painful as it looks from the promo. I hope for world peace. Only one of those hopes you can fulfill, unless you're Andrew Marlowe or Nelson Mandela. You can't be Mandela and AM is probably hiding in a bunker in an undisclosed location so again, there's only one thing to do to make me smile.**


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